The big news in our house this morning is that I finally got to go for a run!  I know, it snowed and it’s winter so I should have skied, but I have limited time to do what I want so a run it was.  It started out a little iffy with Lena repeatedly saying “no” as I was leaving, but Todd took both the kids out in the sled and walked me to start the run.  Lena loves the sled and loves her brother so by the time we said good-bye she waved her little pink mitten covered hand and screamed “good-bye”.  I got to run 4 very painful, but happy miles. 

When I came home from my run I slowly walked up the steps and quietly opened the door half expecting to hear one of the kids screaming.  I heard screaming alright, but it was screams of delight.  Todd had dragged them around in the sled for a while and then decided to make them a snack using the hot air popcorn maker my parents gave him for Christmas.  Elvis was on the radio in the background so I turned the music up, grabbed Jun, and made him dance with me.  Lena has to do everything her big brother does, so she made Todd grab her and before I knew it we were having a popcorn dance party.  In fun family moments like that, it’s hard to believe  we’ve only been  a family for about 3 weeks.   

Pizza it is!

It's no surprise to anyone to hear that the food we eat here in the US is totally different than the food the people in China eat.  When we first got Lena we were given a list of the food she ate in a "typical day". 

Here's the list:

Breakfast:  Congee (A type of rice porridge. When served plain it is rice cooked with lots and lots of water and is sort of like a thick watery rice mixture.  It's often served with meat or fish added, even with the meat added it is sort of tasteless) 

Snack:  Fruit (usually apples or watermelon)

Lunch:  Rice or noodles, meat, and veggies

Snack:  Fruit and/or rice crackers

Dinner:  Rice or noodles, meat, and veggies, or dumplings

Part of the reason for feeding children in an orphanage this type of food is that it's easy, but from what I can tell this is also a very typical day of eating in China.  Most meals seem to contain some type of meat (but the meat is not quite the same that we eat here in the US, we saw things like pork knuckles, chicken feat, and beef tongue on the menus in China), either noodles or rice, and veggies.  We didn't see a whole lot of bread and we certainly didn't see cheese or marinara sauce.   

One of the big adjustments a 4 year old child will have in coming to Northern New England from China is food.  Jun pretty much ate noodles for 3 meals a day for the first 2 or 3 months we were home.  He was not interested in French fries, pizza, ice-cream, or chips for at least 6 months.  I assumed it would be the same with Lena, so we asked my parents to make sure we had plenty of noodles and rice in the house for when we arrived.  To my surprise, Lena has not touched a noodle, and hasn't really been interested in rice or dumplings.  What has she been eating?  Pizza!   We had pizza once in China and she seemed to like it, but I didn't think she LOVED it the way she does now.  We got up in the middle of the night on our first day home and I let Lena look through the freezer and the refrigerator to see what she might like to eat.  We had noodles, dumplings, rice, and lots of fruit, but she kept going back to the freezer and pointing to the pizza.  I couldn't really think of a good reason to NOT make the pizza, so I finally put it in the oven.  And at 4AM we all ate pizza.  Then, a couple days ago my brother and his family came for a visit so we all went out for pizza.  For some reason I felt like I should order noodles for Lena, but when she saw the pizza arrive at the table she practically jumped out of her chair to get to it.  She was not at all interested in the noodles.  So, I ate the noodles and Lena happily ate 2 big pieces of pizza. 

It'll be interesting to see how her eating habits develop.  We generally try to eat a healthy diet, but we do eat pizza every Friday, have ice cream several times a week, and, as much as I hate to admit it, we also eat our share of French fries.  I wonder if Lena will like these things.  I wonder if Lena will like a big bowl of spaghetti with marinara sauce and a side of bread too?!  

Dinner will never be the same

Sent from my iPhone

4AM with the Nings

Sent from my iPhone

We made it

It's 4:45AM and we've been awake for 2 hours -the joys of jetlag. 
The trip home went better than expected in some aspects, but in others it was worse than we had anticipated. 

Lena had made it clear that she was excited about the train ride, but was not at all interested in riding on the airplane.  Too bad the plane ride made up most of our travel time. 

The train ride was fine and the night in Hong Kong was uneventful.  The assigned seating on the plane prevented us from sitting together as a family, we sat 2 in one row and 2 in another.  This meant Jun and Todd sat together and Lena and I sat together.  Lena slept through the first 2 hours of the 15 hour flight, but managed to keep herself awake for the rest of the time.  I think Jun and Todd got about 2-3 hours of sleep as well.  I'm not even really sure what we did to entertain ourselves through the trip, we looked at books, played with stickers, drew, and watched movies, and went to the bathroom about 15 times.  Things were a bit rough in the beginning, but mainly went fine until about the last 1 1/2 hours when it got really bumpy.  Lena freaked!  She screamed and screamed and screamed and cried and cried and cried.  She kept grabbing her stomach so I thought she probably felt a little sick from the long ride, lack of sleep, and the bumps.  She wailed!  1 1/2 hours can be a very long time!  -I can't even count the number of times I apologized tot he guy who was sitting next to us.  -He later told me it was a good experience for him since he and his girlfriend were thinking about having a baby.  -I also told him to tell his girlfriend I was sorry for any part I had played in his probable decision to not have children. 

We finally got off the plane and then had to get ourselves through customs, claim our bags, re-check our bags, go through security again, and then walk to the oposite end of the airport where we would catch our flight to Boston.  We all had carryon bags and it was impossible for Todd and I to carry anything, but our heavy bag so the kids had to carry their own little carry-ons and walk through the airport on their own.  The process of getting to the departure gate took us about 45 minutes and during that time I went from wanting to cry, to feeling like a zombi, to wanting to scream, to laughing at the kids as they literally bounced of people and walls in their delerious state of fatigue.  All in all the 2 of them did amazingly well, probably better than their mother. 

When we got to the gate we had to speak with the customer service associate because our seats for the flight to Boston were assigned throughout the plane rather than together. Without looking up from her computer, the customer service associate told me she could not help me, would not even look to see if our seats could be re-arranged, and sent me on my way.  I walked away in disbelief, screamed at Todd about the situation, and then suddenly realized Todd was not the one I needed to speak with so I marched back up to the counter to do battle with customer service woman.  I decided to approach nicely and again explain our situation. 
"I have 2 small children, ages 4 and 5, isn't there anyway you could do something to help me?" 
"You'll have to ask the other passengers once you get on the plane"
"But we've been assigned seats throughout the plane, all middle seats, how will I find people to switch with me?"
"well, you'll have to ask" 
"Can you make an announcement of some sort and ask people if they would be willing to help us?  I don't see how I can stand at the front of the plane when people are boarding and make it work"
"I can't do that."
"Is there anything you can do to help me?"
"I told you what you have to do"
"So you won't help me?"
"I didn't say that.
"So you'll help me find people to switch? Will you make an announcement, I'll pay people, I'll do whatever I can to make it work"
"I told you I can't make an announcement"
"So how will you help me?"
"By suggesting that you ask passengers to switch seats with you once you board the plane"

I paused for a moment and then pretty much lost it. I stood at the counter and screamed about how I had chosen to fly United with a family of 4  round trip from Boston to Hong Kong.  I explained that I had, at one time had, been assigned 4 seats that were together and United had created this problem by changing the seats.  I yelled about my 2 small children and asked her if she really expected them to sit by themselves, I screamed about how United was responsible for the fear they would face, I screamed about how Southwest would NEVER force passengers to just figure things out on their own... Somewhere in the middle of my rage another customer service attendant made an appearance and found a way for 2 of to sit together.  She pretty much pushed me aside, gave me my new tickets and told me to get on the plane.  She then explained that I had to get on the plan and ask passengers to get the other 2 of us together. 

It was time to board the plane so there was nothing else I could do.  Jun and I got on the plane first and I approached the first flight attendant I saw to ask for help.  She explained that it was up to me to find someone to switch seats... I didn't let her finish her explanation, I just walked on.  By this point Jun was panicked and begging me to sit with him.  I got him situated in his seat and found the flight attendant in the back of the plane and asked her for help.  Of course she gave me the same explanation about finding someone to switch seats... I started walking away from her, but then turned back around and gave her an earful, I became THAT passenger. I yelled about my 2 small scared children, I yelled about how United was expecting strangers to take care of my children, I yelled about their lack of compassion, I yelled about their treatment of passengers, I don't even know what else I yelled about, but I yelled for a minute or 2 and then walked away as she tried to explain that I should ask for help from the passengers.   I was near tears with frustration at the situation, but made my way back to my seat and asked the other passengers for help.  I'm pretty sure they were all afraid of me by this point, but they also seemed to feel sorry for me and for Jun and it was only a 35 minute flight so I had plenty of people willing to switch seats with me.  Just about the time Jun and I got settled we heard Lena wailing her way onto the plane... We sat on the runway for about 40 minutes before take-off and Lena wailed and cried desperately for me to come to her for most of that time.  I walked back and forth from my seat to Lena's seat about 10 times.  Each time I got to my seat Jun asked if I would please just sit with him.  I had promised that I would sit with him on this flight since Lena sat with me for the 15 hour flight.  But after listening to the desperate cries from Lena and thinking about the other passengers I finally realized Lena had to sit with me and Jun would have to sit with Todd.  Jun was now crying and Lena seemed happy...

Once Lena sat with me she got buckled up and immediately fell asleep.  I spent the flight thinking about how I had once again pushed Jun away so that I could care for his sister.  I felt terrible. 

Anyway, I've decided I hate United and will never fly with them again, but we all survided the trip and were beyond excited to see  my Dad standing there waiting for us when we got off the plane.  We were now just a 2 1/2 hour drive from home!

Home sweet home

We're Leaving!

1/2 hour car ride to the train station
2 hour train ride to Hong Kong
Spend the night in Hong Kong
45 minute car ride to the airport
15 hour airplane ride to NJ
2 hour layover
1 1/4 hour plane ride to Boston
2 1/2 hour drive home
Sound like hell?  It does to me, but I cannot wait to get home. 
Wish us luck!

taste of home

playing on the steps

Park

Day at the park

Here in Guangzhou we have two beautiful parks within walking distance from our hotel. One is called mountain park and is the more popular park located off the train stop. It is a huge park with filled with all sorts of people. We preferred the other park which is mostly a large lake and surrounding land. Yesterday we went for a walk in this park. I say walk but Kim has been doing the carrying duties of our little Lena. She feels a special bond with Kim and wants to be carried everywhere. It was a windy day and about 62 degrees. Inside the park we saw a lot of couples getting their wedding photos taken as well as glamour shoots. We walked to this pretty pagoda on one of the islands in the park. Kim finally had a chance to rest as the sun came out and Jun and Lena were playing on the steps. Jun starts to sweet as soon as he starts to run. Lena has to do everything Jun does so they booth took their jackets off as the were running around playing. All of a sudden this old guy walks up and starts yelling...in Chinese. We quickly figure out that he is telling us that Lena's long sleeve tee shirt is not warm enough for her on this day. He just keep yelling. Actually when I here Chinese I here yelling or very serious talk. I know this isn't true but his voice was very stern and he couldn't figure out what the hell was going on. He was a big guy, especially in this area and he was all bundled up. He had a front tooth missing as he talked to us. He talked to me, then Jun and Jun just shruges his shoulders when people have been talking to him. Of course Lena is in a real crying fit. People are walking by looking at the guy as if he was crazy. He keep talking to me and I had no idea what he was saying, he actually started to write on his hand with his finger, like that would somehow make me understand what he was saying. We decided we should move on and we sat a bench as we got Lena to stop crying. Jun said "that man was not nice".
-Todd-

US Consultant appointment

Our whole trip was based around what we did today. Today we had our appointment at the U.S. Consultant to get Lena's visa. She will be issued a Chinese passport with a visa to enter the USA. Not until she touches ground is she a US citizen. We were packed in a small room filled with families adopting kids. We were actually the last family to get called to the counter which meant the room was empty and Jun and Lena didn't want to leave the small play area. It was getting close to twelve o'clock and instead of going to lunch we went on a short shopping trip. The kids were close to losing it so instead of another Dim sum lunch we went to KFC.  We have gone more american fast food here in one week then we have in a year at home. Tomorrow we pick up Lena's passport and go to Hong Kong.
-Todd-

We haven't mentioned the tragic news from home in any of our blog posts.  I've had limited news resources here, but I have been reading the Globe and have spent a bit of time watching CNN.  I haven't mentioned the news because, like many others, I haven't quite processed it.  It's true we have a lot going on, but we, like every other parent in the world, held our children extra tight when the news came out.  So young, so innocent, so much ahead of them.  When thinking of the tragedy, I have found myself near tears listening to Jun scream with enthusiasm as he shares a thought with me.  He brings such joy to my life.  When thinking of the tragedy, I find myself near tears as I watch Lena tilt her back and laugh crazily at something her big brother has done.  She is already bringing indescribably joy to my life.  How would we cope if anything happened to our children?  Something happening to our children is the worst nightmare of every parent and we all do everything in our power to protect them.  I kiss Jun good-bye every morning before leaving for work and on my way out the door the last thing I say every day is, "have a good day, I'll pick you up after work, I love you".  I'm sure many parents say the exact same thing.  It has never crossed my mind that anything other than a bump on the head or an argument with another child might upset his day.  Jun's world is innocent and when I look in eyes and think of the children who lost their lives or the children whose lives have been so changed I feel too many things to describe, I feel grief, I feel sorrow, I feel anger at the man who pulled the trigger, I feel amazement that something this big has happened… like so many others, I feel too much to put into words. 

When Jun wants to do something that I deem unsafe, I tell him no.  And when he questions why he can't do it, I tell him it's because it's unsafe.  We've had the conversation so many times now that he often finishes my thought by quoting me, "and my biggest job is to keep you safe", he says in a mocking tone.  When we walked through Lena's orphanage yesterday I found myself wondering if the orphanage staff had any doubts about sending her with us to the US.  I wondered if they might think she won't be safe with us.  I wondered if they would maybe like us personally, but wonder if we had the ability to keep her safe in the US.   As an American I walk around with my head held high.  I have no doubt that I come from the greatest country in the world.  We live in a democracy and we are all allowed freedoms that people around the world envy.  For that I am grateful.

 In my home, I would love to allow my children to do anything and everything that makes them happy.  I would love to allow them the freedom to use my large sharp scissors if they wanted, but their safety is more important to me than their freedom so I make them use the kid scissors that really won't cut much of anything at all.    As an American I value my freedom.  But I also believe that the first job of the American government is to keep the citizens of the United States safe.  I know the guns used in this latest massacre were not purchased by the gunman, but I also know that the guns were purchased legally.   I have to wonder how the day may have been different if the gun laws in the US were more restrictive.  I would never ask the American Government to make the purchase of all guns illegal, but I would ask the American Government to take a look at the guns that are permitted and reconsider our laws using the safety of the citizens of the US as a priority.

I don't want to politicize the events of last Friday.  With the exception of the gunman, I don't blame any one person for what happened.  But, as with all tragedy, we need to take a serious look at what lead to these events and if there is something that can be done to help prevent anything like this from happening in the future then it is our duty to take the action necessary in hopes that it helps  to make sure this never happens again. 

Lena's story

As you have read from Kim's post today was the visit to the Orphanage. Our greatest fear in this whole process is that Lena was never loved. As we have been finding out she has been loved her whole life. Today we saw the spot where Lena was dropped off by her biological parent(s). For us this is a hard pill to swallow. In China it is illegal to abandon or give up your baby, so you basically have to find a place where someone can find them. If babies are found in a public place, the kind citizen who takes them to an orphanage is not allowed to get reimbursed for there efforts.  The area around the Orphanage is a busy village rich with farmers and and street vendors. She was dropped off 15 meters from the Orphanage secured front gate. Her biological parents wanted her to not only be found but to have a better life. We are also lucky that she had a note when she was abandoned. It was a simple note that was written on "lucky" red paper that had her actual birth date written in the lunar calendar (which many farmers use), and her given name. Being dropped off at the foot of one of the biggest orphanages in China is a good thing. She had food, good sleeping, and most importantly love. From about age three to four she was in a foster home. We have found out that her foster parents loved her so much that they wanted to adopt her for themselves. They are an older couple in their 50's. From the little we know they didn't adopt because of pressure from other their relatives.
About a month before we traveled to China Lena was put back in the orphanage as is customary. Today we didn't know what to expect. Our guide told Lena where we were going and she instantly got tense. Lena expressed that she wanted to stay with us and our guide confirmed that she was our daughter. When Lena gets worried Kim rocks her back and forth and repeats Ba Ba, Jun Jun, and Ma Ma. I think this has helped her  to feel part of our family faster.
Today was a great day. Lena got to say last good bye's to everyone she knows and she went running out to live with her forever family.
-Todd-

playground

Artwork in Orphanage

Lena's classroom

Front door of orphanage with the directior

hugs

Dartmouth connection

The Orphanage

I worried about bringing Lena back to her orphanage, but we were offered the opportunity to do so and we know the good-byes would be important for her progress now and the pictures we would be able to take would be important for her in the future.  There was no doubt in my mind that the day would be exhausting.  There was no doubt in my mind that Lena would shed countless tears and would be inconsolable by the end of the trip.

Lena clung to me with big wide eyes as we drove through the entrance, but she seemed to be doing ok.  The orphanage is home to over 200 children, most of them with special needs of some sort or another.  By orphanage standards this one is large.  The city of Guangzhou compares in size to LA, it's big, has crazy loud traffic, skyscrapers, subways, lots of people on the streets, in general  it's very loud.  I assumed the orphanage would be the same, but behind the secured entrance is a set of buildings surrounded by lots and lots of trees.  I think you could accurately describe the location as peaceful; this immediately made me feel much better about the place Lena had called home. 

Lena was timid when we first entered, but as we walked through the halls and neared the area where the children her age live, she became more and more animated.  She even jumped out of my arms and ran through the hallway.  On the left side of the hallway were the classrooms where the children seem to be grouped into classes of 8-12 children.  Our first stop was Lena's classroom.   The classroom had 4 windows, plenty of room for play, several toys, AND 5 teachers for the 8 children in the room.  All the children were sitting around a table when we entered so it gave Lena the opportunity to pass out the snacks we brought for the children.  She was a bit shy for a moment, but before long she pranced around the room like a rock star.  Each teacher gave her a big hug and a kiss and asked about her new family.  Obviously we couldn't understand what she said, but she pointed at us excitedly and seemed proud to run toward us after talking with each teacher. 

We said our good-byes in the classroom and walked further down the hallway to the room where Lena slept.  Lena's room had 8 beds.  And she proudly pointed hers out which was immediately in front of one of the 4 large windows.  The beds were tiny, 4 year old size, and sat close enough together that Lena would have been able to hold hands with the child who slept next to her.  She jumped up and down with a huge smile on her face as she stood next to her bed. After we took a couple pictures she ran out of the room and we walked further down hall. 

The next room looked like a cafeteria.  There must have been 15-17 children, most of them with severe special needs that required feeding assistance.  There were huge pots of rice, meat, and vegetables.   Lena zeroed in on one woman in the room and screamed hello wildly as she jumped up and down and ran toward her.  The woman was obviously excited to see Lena.  She cared about Lena.  She wanted to talk to her, she wanted to see her new family, and she happily allowed us to take multiple pictures of the two of them together.  The woman checked Todd, Jun, and I out.  She looked us up and down and asked Lena about us.  I have no idea what was said, but when she put Lena down she looked at Todd and I and said, "thank you, thank you for adopting her".   (This was translated for us by our guide) There were so many things I wanted to say to this woman who obviously loves my daughter.  Thank you was just the tip of it, but what could I say, how could I possibly sum up my thoughts and have any hope that our guide could translate all that I was thinking?  I said thank you about a million times and had to turn my head away because I had tears streaming down my cheeks.  How can I ever thank this woman for loving my daughter when I couldn't be there for her?   I prayed every night  for 1 ½ years that she was loved by someone,  I hated the thought that she might spend her days without feeling love.  The look in this one woman's eyes let me know that my prayers were answered. 

There's so much to say about our time at the orphanage.  We learned so many things about Lena.  By the end of the trip everyone was exhausted.  Lena didn't cry, but when the trip came to an end she clung to me and closed her eyes as we climbed in the van.  By the time we pulled out of the driveway she sat up and waved bye-bye and then it was over.  She seemed absolutely fine. 

It was a big day for Jun as well, it was obvious he had lots of thoughts about what was happening and what we were seeing, but he has not shared them with us yet.  I'm sure Todd will post pictures and I'd like him to post his thought as well.  When looking at the pictures, you should remember that the Chinese standard of living does not compare to the American.  Her orphanage seems sparse, but the Chinese people do not live like we do, they do not have big houses filled with things that are rarely used.  The orphanage has everything necessary to live a comfortable life.  And the orphanage has lots of love, and that's really what's most important, isn't it? 

The Smile

Due to a miscommunication, She thinks this is how a happy person poses for a picture. It makes Todd, Jun, and I laugh so she gets more and more encouraged every time she does it.

Sent from my iPhone

Safari

After a quick trip back to the doctors to check the TB test we went to the city Safari, or as we would say, zoo. Lena was nervous going back to the doctors but this was a quick trip as everything turned out fine. Being a Saturday the zoo was packed. Lines of people stood waiting to get in and we were escorted in quickly by our driver pulling us to the front of the line. Our guide suggested going on the Safari train as soon as we entered. A short line with plenty of pushy people we entered the train (it was actually a car built to look like a train). On our ride we found all sorts of wild animals that we rarely see. Rams, antelopes, camels, etc. On each section of train we had our own safari employee dressed in a Santa outfit shouting in Chinese about all the animals we were seeing. The largest ohhs and ahhs came from the Tigers and Lions. I tried to take some pictures as you can see but I was getting elbowed by Jun and the train was not very smooth. Other cars were allowed to enter this safari and this made getting around very aggressive. We seemed to be stopping more between displays and speeding thru the viewing areas. Jun was on good behavior and really enjoying the swans. They had white swans, black swans and black necked swans. He got to feed the swans by throwing bread at them. Jun and I planned out what we were to see as we wanted to be back to the hotel by 2 for a kid nap. Hi on the list was the panda bears, as many as 12 pandas were eating bamboo and rolling around in the water and trying there best to ignore the humans. Jun saw a baby white tiger crawling around just two feet from him he was so excited the was jumping up and down. People were feeding giraffes, they would swoop their long necks down right in your face and stick out their tongue and pull the food right out of your hand. We got lunch of some dumplings that were not a big hit for some reason. I think they had a bit of green vegetable in them and the sight of that to a kid is repulsive. People were feeding elephants by tossing bananas right in to their open mouths. They would just lift up their long trunk and say feed me. It was hot and muggy so I bought the family some ice cream which was a big hit.
Back to the hotel for a nap and then we got Papa Johns to deliver to our hotel for dinner.

Panda

Getting along just fine

Loaded

Just like NH, no helmets

Day 5 and a reminder from Jun

Lena cried 4 times this morning before we even got through breakfast.  We got back to the room and she cried 2 more times within a few minutes.  She cried last night after dinner 6 different times –and that was just after dinner.  She cries when she has to go to the bathroom, she cries when she's tired, she cries when she's afraid, when she's hungry, when she's irritated, and she cries when she just wants to complain, she cries when Todd and I hug, she cries when I hold, kiss, or play with Jun.  She cries ALL the time –except when she's having fun.   The only thing that stops Lena from crying once she starts is me.  And it takes a while to do it.  I have to hold her, cuddle with her, rub her head, and sing to her.  It's an entire routine she and I have worked out and it is exhausting. 

 

I have often described our first trip to China and the few months after that as intense.  Really intense is the only way to describe being here.  A 4 year old is so tiny and so young, but a 4 year also has language skills, has routines, enjoys certain foods, sleeps in certain ways, likes certain types of clothing, and has pretty well-established behaviors.  Our little family arrived in China and took Lena away from all she knew and loved about her life.  And all she was told by the caretakers in the orphanage is that she has to be a good little girl for her new family.  She is brave beyond all belief.  She needs us for everything, yet she is suddenly unable to communicate any better than a 6 month old.  Of course she cries.  It's our duty to convince her as quickly and sincerely as we can that we will feed her when she needs it, get her to the bathroom when has to go, give her a bed to sleep in, keep her safe, give her clothes to wear, and, most of all love her.  We have to make her a part of our family. We have to make sure she knows we love her and will keep her safe no matter what happens.   I look at her face and I just can't imagine what she must be thinking.  The entire process is just so overwhelming for us all.   

 

Me, I'm exhausted.  I want to openly play with my son, I want to hug my husband, I want to have 20 minutes free of tears.  I want a hug from my own mother.  I want to eat a bowl of spaghetti with homemade sauce on it while drinking a big glass of water that came from my kitchen sink.  And I really, really want to go for a run!  I want to walk outside and know where I'm going, and know that I can ask directions if I don't .  I carry Lena everywhere we go, literally.  I carry her to the elevator, to breakfast, to the park, all around the park, I carry her up and down the street.  I carry her everywhere we go.  I want to walk more than 200 yards by myself.  I don't really want people to speak my child in Mandarin and have her understand what they are saying while I have no idea.  At this moment we are just past the halfway point and I'm tired, and I'll admit it, I'm ready to head home.  I love to travel and I love to check out new places, but a trip to China to adopt a child is not exactly the best time to be a tourist.  Going out for coffee is a big deal with a new child, going out to the tourist attractions is an even bigger deal that really isn't possible.

 

I remember feeling exactly like this 2 ½ years ago when we adopted Jun.  I realize I sound selfish.  I realize I sound like some spoiled American.  I realize I have nothing to complain about.  It's just that I had somehow forgotten just how difficult the entire process is.  Today while I was feeling overwhelmed with it all and Lena was crying again, I had the following conversation with Jun. 

 

"Jun, how many times do you think Lena will cry today?"

"I don't know, Mommy.  Maybe 2050 times."

"Oh, poor me, I'm kinda tired."

"No, Mommy, poor Lena, she's going through a lot right now."

 

Leave it to the 5 year to simply lay it on the line for me.  It's not about me, it's not about Todd, it's not even about Jun right now.  It's about Lena, and our job is to do everything we can to make her life happy and secure as quickly as possible right now.    

Thought of the day

Todd is such a Dad that he takes his kids to McDonalds while in China and talks about poop stories on the blog... Who would have thought it would come to this?

Lays Potato Chips

Flavors of Lays included, Cucumber and Little Tomato

Dim Sum

Real Chinese in a real Chinese restaurant, no forks available. Jun figured out a great method of just stabbing his food with one chopstick and then sort of shoveling it to the mouth from there. In a loud, crowded, smoke filled restaurant no one seemed to care how we ate.

Introducing Lena

Here she is!

Buddist temple

Our trip includes a couple of family orientated adventures. Today was one of them. On tap for today is shopping at a local center, visiting a Buddhist temple, and having real Dim Sum style lunch. But before all that we went to Shaman island, this is where we stayed at the end of Jun's adoption. Every American family ends up in Guangzhou because this is where the American Consultant is based. Jun didn't remember any of it but for Kim and I it brought back some good memories. We passed the Starbucks where we first learned Jun was naughty (he dunked his sausage roll in my coffee), and the many shops selling art, silk and games. This is also where a lot of couples get married and clothing companies have photo shoots. We did a little shopping and then we went to the mall. As with most of China their are many street vendors. We passed vendors roasting chestnuts, cooking dumplings, and grounding up bamboo to make sugar cane. This shopping district is decorated differently every week, currently displaying Santa Claus. we walked down a side street and we ended up in a little "food court" I guess you could say. Jun came to a screeching halt and yelled "Ba Ba look!" I went back to see that he found cooked scorpions on a stick right next to the cooked beetles. Jun was waiving his Chinese flag as he saw all this different food. A vendor started talking to Jun in Mandarin and Jun just shrugged his shoulders. Jun just keep talking about "do people really eat that?" and "Is that a real scorpion?" The lady keep talking to Jun and I tried to say that he just speaks English. She was baffled. Our guide Peter stepped in to explain that we are form the USA and didn't give her much more info. Right about now Lena says that she has to pee... again. I laughed as Peter said "Oh no". He looked a little frantic as he searched for a bathroom. We went into an indoor shopping mall that looked like it had been vacant for five years and somehow turned the power on and all the shops were still there. To make things more interesting Jun said "I have to poop". Now I'm thinking Oh no. We were lead into a bathroom with no toilet just a hole in the floor. Jun looked at it and said "But I have to poop". I said that you have to use this hole and just squat down. I held his hands as he squatted so he wouldn't fall down butt first. I looked around and noticed what was missing, toilet paper. As I sat their thinking how I was going to get out of this one Jun said "Ba Ba, my poop ran away".  Hurray.
The next stop was the 1000 year old buddhist temple. As soon as we entered Jun and Lena just started looking around and everything was very peaceful. The lady working at the desk gave Jun and Lena small oranges to offer to the gods which were quickly devoured. We looked around as our guide explained the three major religions in this area and talked more about Buddhism. I asked him if he was Buddhist and he said "I'm still thinking about it, I'll deiced when I'm old". Like  the other Temples Kim and I have visited in the past this one was also very comforting and peaceful.
After all this activity we were all getting hungry. Peter wanted to take us to a real Dim Sum restaurant. I on the other hand wish we stuck to the Buddhist thing and went vegaritan. So off we went for a real Cantonese experience. We walked into a large but crowded restaurnt filled with tanks of fish, shrimp, eels and just about everything that swims. Our guide told us you can order anything you want and they will kill and cook it right here. We went upstairs and sat down. As we searched for an open table for six we drew many stares, not in a bad way, they just wanted to stare at us. I went up with Peter to search for some food. He said find what you like and I'll order it for you. Everything is cooked right in front of you and the choices were endless. Popular items were dumplings, noodles and lots of meat. The kids loved it and our driver keep us filled with tea when our cups got close to half full. We were sitting a large table and we had all these little steaming baskets filled with different foods.
Back at the hotel we had our laundry wanting for us as well as a $65 laundry fee.
-Todd-

Day 4

A part of the adoption process in China is the dreaded trip to the medical office for the medical exam, which involves little more than a thermometer and a scale, but also a TB test. When we adopted Jun, the clinic was in a rundown building, the offices seemed dirty, and there were lots and lots of screaming children clinging to new parents who looked mostly shell-shocked by the experience.   Every adoptive parent in China dreads and fears the visit to the medical clinic.  It's tough enough forcing your child to get a shot, but when you can't speak the same language and haven't bonded enough to truly be of comfort it's even worse.  (And when you're like me and feel like fainting just entering a medical office of any sort, it's even worse)

So far Lena has handled everything much better than we ever could have imagined, but she has also been very afraid.  Afraid of everything, so we had no idea how the trip would go.  Our guide for the day was very friendly, caring, and very calm.  The clinic has moved to a new location since our last visit.  It is now in a modern building which has lots more room, is very clean, and since there are so few adoptions coming out of China, the amount of screaming children has been reduced to a minimum.  The entire experience seemed much calmer than the last time around.  After getting us checked in, our guide sat with Lena and explained the process of what was going to happen during the visit (she didn't yet explain that the visit involved a TB test, a needle).  Lena handled it like a champ, she was fearful, but complied with each doctor's requests.    

Jun was a little wound up and was having a bit of a tough time, but really was trying to hold it all together.  Jun's new thing is that he likes to hold Lena's hand so he was doing a good job of holding her hand and walking her from place to place.  It was so cute that I sat back and watched all the onlookers pointing them out as we passed by.   But then as the appointment took longer and longer , Jun got more and bored and wanted more and more to play like he does with his friends.  They tackle one another, they jump on one another, they smash into one another, and they scream with delight each time the play gets rougher and rougher.  So, just minutes after the guide explained to Lena that the next step in her day involved a needle,  Jun came flying around the corner at full speed and literally smashed right into Lena –knocking her to the floor with a loud, loud thud.  For a moment nobody said anything and for that short moment I thought it might all pass, but then Lena looked up, opened her mouth, and let out a cry that reminded us all that she has a great set of lungs.  She looked at Jun like she couldn't believe what he had just done.  Jun looked shocked and scared, and immediately ran away, thinking he was facing a world of trouble.  And Todd and I just stood there.   At that moment it looked like the day was going to fall apart, but after some soft, gentle talking to Lena, she calmed down.  Poor Jun really felt sorry.  And then, before we knew it, it was off  to get the shot. Todd carried Jun as has become custom when Lena is being carried. They were quick with the shot and quicker with the candy reward. Without hesitation they offered Jun some candy too and all of a sudden things were much better.

Day 4 was so much better than Day 3 and Day 3 was much better than Day 2.  I know things will go up and down and back and forth.  And it's not like it's not a day filled with stress and super high and low emotions.  –It's only 8PM and I'm exhausted, but all in all I'm amazed at how well things are going for our family.  Lena and Jun are amazing kids and Todd and I are lucky to be their parents. 

I can't end the post without sending a special thanks to all of Jun's friends and teachers (especially Ashley).  You cannot imagine how happy the videos you sent along made him.  He was so happy and so thrilled and felt so special that it made me cry watching him.  Yes, I'm admitting that I cried watching Jun watch a video, it really did mean that much to him.  Thanks again.  –We're taking a couple family trips over the next couple of days so he's going to be working on another special project which we'll send along soon. 

What?

Youkilis is really going to the Yankees?

At the playground today

Sent from my iPhone

Dueling Polaroids

So fun for the kids. Thanks, Dad, for making sure we got them.

Ahhhh, Starbucks

Yes, Michael, I admit it, I even love Starbucks while in China. We took our first family trip to one today. Jun and I jumped for joy (literally) when Todd agreed to go.

Day 3

Today was much better than yesterday... It's easy to remember that Lena is going through a lot because we don't know her and she can't speak our language.  But this is also a tough trip for Jun and sometimes it's a bit difficult to remember because he is such a well-adjusted kid at home.  We tried to give Jun a little extra attention today, tried to pull him aside and talk about the "green monster" as soon as he appeared and we gave him  his own special project to work on throughout the day.  I think all of this made the day a bit easier on all of us.  We got through the day with only a few meltdowns for each child!  I'd call that victory when compared to the day we had yesterday. 
 
-Jun's project is hopefully in the posts previous to this one.  I can't see the blog from China so the best I can do is hope that it all shows up properly or at least makes a little sense to those reading.  Jun really misses his friends (especially Landon and Jesse) and spent the day asking me what they would think of all his special discoveries.  We picked out a few of his favorites and sent them along. 
 
And technical difficulties have made it impossible to post more than one pic. at a time.  Hope it doesn't look too crazy. 

Jun's List

Jun worked on a project of his own today. He spent the day looking for things that are different in China than at home. The pictures all show the different things he found. 
 
Picture 1: Dancing in the park
 
 
 
-I can't get the pictures to go all in one email so I've sent them all seperately.  I hope it makes sense when it all finally goes through.

Jun's List (Picture 2)

Picture 2: elephant ear plant

Jun's List (Picture 3)

Picture 3: A yellow flower

Jun's List (Picture 4)

Picture 4: Workers in the park (with straw hats)

Jun's List (Picture 5)

Shells on the ground (not in the ocean).

Jun's List (Picture 6)

Picture 6: Dragon Fruit

Jun also wanted to tell his friends some of the things he's done in China.
He said, "I got my own fan, we saw a real lotus flower, we saw a bird of paradise flower, I got a new necklace, we've been to McDonalds. I got my sister.

Did that waiter seriously just put a raw egg in my food?
 

Day 2

So, if Day 1 was a dream, day 2 was pretty close to being a nightmare. It started out happy enough at 4AM for Jun and I and 6AM for Todd and Lena. -Huge time change so Jun falls asleep at 6PM and is ready to go at 4AM. The daily breakfast in the hotel compares to the Sunday brunch at the Prudential Center in Boston on Sundays (they still have it, right?), so it's not only a day's worth of food, but a great place to figure out what a person likes to eat when you don't speak the same language. Todd took Lena around to all the various stations and basically put anything/everything on her plate that got a positive reaction. Jun ate a plate full of noodles and watermelon, I ate a plate full of every carb in the world, some fruit, and drank a ton of coffee and we were all ready to start the day. Everyone was happy.

We had an appointment at 9:00AM with the notary, this is the appointment that made our adoption legal, so it was VERY important. The problem was that it took place at the same office where picked Lena up yesterday. As soon as we pulled up to the office, Lena got very stiff, pouted, and was obviously not happy. We don't speak Mandarin and Lena doesn't speak English. We weren't able to explain to her that we are now her parents and were not going to leave her in the office. We couldn't tell her that it would be a quick appointment and then we'd go back to the hotel. I asked our guide to please tell her she was coming home with us at the end of the appointment, but he never even looked at her. He was very concerned with all the paperwork and getting us through the process of it all. I guess it was ok, but I hated looking at her scared little face knowing that a part of her fear was caused by the thought that she may not leave with us.

Anyway, we all survived that appointment and went back to the hotel room with the goal being that we relax and play and "bond" until our 3PM appointment. This was pretty much the beginning of the end. I took a shower and came out just on time to see the multiple major meltdowns begin. In our house, jealousy is referred to as "the green monster". The green monster was in the room and boy was it making things tough. Jun freaked out, climbed on top of Todd (literally), started screaming, Lena got scared and started crying and then they just played off each other for about 45 minutes. Todd and I tried out best to sooth each one of them, but there was nothing we could do for either. Finally, Lena was so upset and so hysterical that she threw up. This seemed to make Jun understand that he needed to calm down and things suddenly got very quiet. -for a while.

At some point we all went to eat lunch. Lena refused to leave my arms and Jun refused to believe he didn't need to be in my arms just because Lena was. The green monster was out again. We pretty much spent the entire lunch just trying to deal with jealousy issues and then went back up to the room so Lena could take a nap and Todd and Jun could go for a swim. I have no idea how the swim went, but Lena slept very soundly. It was a quiet hour.

But then, before we knew it, it was time for the 3PM appointment. Again, we had the problem of Lena not knowing what was going on and our guide not wanting to fill her in. This all scared Lena, which made her cling to me which made Jun think he suddenly needed to sit on my lap (exactly where Lena was sitting). I'm not really sure what was happening around us, I'm not even really sure what the appointment was all about. All I know is that the car ride was horrible, the driver sucked, I felt horribly car sick, Jun had turned into a monster, and poor Todd was trying desperately to control the uncontrollable situation. Around and around the day went. At some point during the appointment Jun started screaming and stamping his feet and crying like I've never seen him do... When the appointment was over our guide looked at Lena clinging to Todd, Jun screaming, and me looking green and said, "is there anything you'd like to do now? we can take you anywhere you'd like to go". What the hell, man, have you seriously just missed the last hour of the day? We'd like to go back to the hotel and this time could you ask the driver to avoid the sudden breaking and wild acceleration he seems to be so good at?

Anyway, things calmed down after we got back to the room. We painted toe nails (yes, I painted Jun's toe nails too), laughed a bit, and finally put the kids to bed. There were enough tears in the day that they both fell asleep relatively quickly. I'm hopeful that today was the worst day. If Jun wakes up at 4AM tomorrow I'll try to make him feel a little better about all the big things happening around him, give him lots of hugs, and pretend that 4AM is a good time for us to have our special Mommy/son time. 

How to be a Big Brother

Lena Day

When I was young I remember a roller coaster call the Supper Dupper Looper. It was the most intense and fun filled adventure there was. The process of waiting and growing closer to the day we leave for China is like the climb to the top of that ride. Yesterday was the day we were to get Lena (Cui Feng). The plan was for us to be at the CAB at 2:20pm, so for the morning it was just the three of us. We explored the local park which is filled with people walking and on the paddle boats in the large lake. It was getting close to pickup time and we told Jun that we had to get ready to get his little sister. He went thru the roof. He couldn't stop jumping up and down. He put on his "big brother" tee shirt and made a little basket full of a small Chinese doll (with included comb and fake milk bottle), he also took a picture of Kim and I with his Polaroid camera and wrote her a note on it. The note read, For Lena From Jun, he also included his personal signature and a heart. Kim almost lost it right there. We have been telling Jun for a year and a half about his sister and now is the time we see her. Unlike Jun's adoption the room was filled with adoptive parents nervously pacing around waiting for their new child to walk thru the door. Lena was one of the last ones to come in and she walked passed us without us knowing. Cordilia (our guide) told us "your daughter is here! She is beautiful". Lena's orphanage director told her this is your Ma Ma, Ba Ba, and big brother. She took one look at us and fell to the floor with her legs bent out like and baby giraffe and begin to cry like I have never seen before. She really was crying a river. Jun was so concerned that he started to dry out her tears. Anytime someone tried to console her she would do the weedwacker spreading her arms out and twisting until she hit something. It didn't help that the room was full of about 30 screaming kids all with their new parents trying to talk to them and snapping cameras at them. We found out that she did not receive the photo book that we sent her, so she really did have no idea what we even looked like. We quickly left the building after I paid the Orphanage donation. Instantly Lena stopped crying and let us carry her to our getaway car. We came back to our hotel room and tried to bond as a family. I really think it was a relief to Lena to have Jun as amusement. After all the random caged wildlife he has seen lately he likes to walk around as a "crouching lobster". This makes Lena laugh and helps ease the tension in the air. She really is beautiful, calm and happy.

-Todd-