Santa Clause is coming to town! Or is he?

When Todd and I adopted Jun we decided we would tell Jun the truth about EVERYTHING.  We thought that since he was adopted and building trust would be so important for our parent/child relationship it was ultra-important that we always tell the truth -that thought included Santa Clause.  In our house, we would not have Santa Clause we decided in a rather superior way.  We wanted Jun to know that there was a story about a guy named Santa Clause, but we didn't want to pretend that this guy actually existed and that he came into the house through the chimney after flying in on a sleigh being led by a bunch of flying reindeers… After all, there is a beautiful story which lead to the real Christmas and we would celebrate that story in our house. 

But then last year the following conversation took place one night at dinner:
Jun:  "Mama, how does Santa Clause get into the house after coming down our chimney" -He asked pointing to our chimney that does not have an opening into the house.
Me: stunned into silence.  We never told him there was a Santa Clause, where did he come up with that idea?
Todd:  "Jun, you know that Santa Clause lived a long long time ago and now we just celebrate his life and goodness at Christmas time"
Jun:  "No, Baba, Santa Clause is alive"
Me: still stunned into silence
Todd:  also stunned into silence
Jun:  "Baba, I saw Santa Clause when I was 3, and I saw Rudolph, and I heard them on the roof"  he literally screams with joy and laughter.
Me:  now laughing and grabbing him for a hug
Todd:  "well, I don't know about that, Jun"
Jun:  "Baba you just have to believe!"
Me:  get up to leave the room because I'm now crying and laughing.

Conclusion:  Santa Clause came to our house for Christmas! 

 Todd and I totally embraced Santa Clause, and we decided we were being crazy obsessive parents in not having Santa Clause.  We welcomed the magic of Christmas and looked forward to another year with Santa Clause. 

But then the following conversation happened when Jun and I were driving down the road this morning. 
 

Jun:  "Mommy, is Santa Clause real?"

Me:  "What do you think?"

Jun:  "Mommy I asked what you think, not what I think. IS Santa Clause real?"

Me:  Quickly trying to figure out a way out of the conversation since I am NOT prepared to give an answer.  I don’t want to lie, I don't want to crush him, I don't want to be THAT parent who ruins Christmas for everyone because I had to go and tell my kid the truth…

Jun:  "Mommy, IS Santa real?"

Me:  "Well, Santa Clause represents the spirit of Christmas, you know, the love, kindness, and generosity that we should be prepared to offer those around us"

Jun:  "Huh?  Is Santa real?"

Me:  "Well, there was a time when there was a real person who really gave gifts to the best behaved children in the world"'

Jun –he's now completely exasperated and really just wants a straightforward answer:  "MOMMY, you aren't making any sense, IS Santa Clause real?"

I avoided the answer by just sort of ending the conversation.  But, Jun does not forget… he will remember that I never gave him an answer and he will ask the question again and this time I'll have to be prepared to give some sort of answer. 

I'm Thankful

Jun was born in Inner Mongolia (China).  He spent the first 3 years of his life in an orphanage being raised by caretakers who, among other things, taught him to love.  While we were in China completing the adoption we were stopped many times each day by people who wanted to thank us for adopting our son.  These people gently touched our arms, looked in our eyes, and sincerely thanked us for adopting our son.  They looked at Jun and gently touched his cheeks, gently rubbed his arms, and told him and told us that he was such a "lucky boy".  A "lucky boy".  We heard that more times than I can count.  And in the 2 ½ years since we've been home, countless people have told me that we did such a good thing by adopting our son.  Now that we are about to adopt our 3 year old daughter we are beginning to hear more thanks and praise for choosing to adopt.  I know people are being kind and really just trying to be thoughtful when they make these comments.  I know that the people in China truly are thankful to the people "willing" to adopt their children who, for a variety of reasons, cannot be cared for in their country.  But we really don't deserve the praise.  I love my son in just the same way that any other mother loves her child.  I have never looked at him and thought that I  saved him.  I have never looked at him and thought that I rescued him.  We are a joyful family and I thank God every single day for bringing Jun into my life.  Our story of becoming a family may be out of the ordinary, but my husband I are not special in any way for becoming a family the way we did.  When I hear thanks and praise for our decision to adopt Jun I don't know what to say, I'm not quite sure how to react because I know that the people who deserve the praise are the ones who spent the first 3 years of his life with him.  They are the ones who fed him, clothed him, and took care of him when he was sick.  They are the ones who taught him to be a loving, caring little boy.  I am sure that they loved him, I am sure that it was really difficult for them to watch him leave their arms and walk into our arms in order to create a family.  I can't imagine how difficult it would be to love a child and know that the best result you can hope for is that someone would come along and take them from you. I can only hope that my daughter is cared for in the same way that my son obviously was.  And I hope that someday I will somehow be able to appropriately thank and praise the loving caring people who gave so much to my children before I was able to be their mother.

Leaving Soon!

We started our first adoption process 4 years before we travelled to China to become parents to our now 5 year old son.  During that time, we took countless adoption classes, read countless adoption books and blogs, and met countless adoption families.  So, yeah we get it -we've even experienced it  -the adoption process is unpredictable, frustrating, and definitely not easy.  Yet, our second adoption has so far been surprisingly frustrating, angering, and sad.  We received our referral (adoption talk for "we were matched with our daughter") in May, 2011.  At that time we were told to be prepared to travel by September of the same year.  I thought that sounded a bit hopeful, but I hoped we would at least be there by November 12, 2011 when our daughter (technically our future daughter), Cui Feng turned 3.  It is now nearly one year after that date and I have finally accepted the fact that we will also miss her 4^th birthday.  My daughter has a big brother waiting at home for her, she has a "Baba" (father) and mother desperately waiting for her and my daughter has grandparents, aunts, uncles, and cousins waiting to welcome her into the family.   I cannot explain how sad/angry/frustrated it makes me feel when I think that we have been ready to bring our daughter home for over a year now yet she has remained in an orphanage in China because we have been tied up in the "adoption process". 

BUT, after 1 ½ years of waiting we are now seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.  IF all goes well, it appears we might actually be leaving soon.  As of today, all we are waiting for is final travel approval (in adoption talk it's referred to as TA) from China.  Then we'll make our appointment with the US Consulate and TRAVEL!  It might just be true that we will be in China within the next 7-8 weeks!  We just might be a family of 4 by the end of the year!  Relief, joy, happiness…