So, if Day 1 was a dream, day 2 was pretty close to being a nightmare. It started out happy enough at 4AM for Jun and I and 6AM for Todd and Lena. -Huge time change so Jun falls asleep at 6PM and is ready to go at 4AM. The daily breakfast in the hotel compares to the Sunday brunch at the Prudential Center in Boston on Sundays (they still have it, right?), so it's not only a day's worth of food, but a great place to figure out what a person likes to eat when you don't speak the same language. Todd took Lena around to all the various stations and basically put anything/everything on her plate that got a positive reaction. Jun ate a plate full of noodles and watermelon, I ate a plate full of every carb in the world, some fruit, and drank a ton of coffee and we were all ready to start the day. Everyone was happy.
We had an appointment at 9:00AM with the notary, this is the appointment that made our adoption legal, so it was VERY important. The problem was that it took place at the same office where picked Lena up yesterday. As soon as we pulled up to the office, Lena got very stiff, pouted, and was obviously not happy. We don't speak Mandarin and Lena doesn't speak English. We weren't able to explain to her that we are now her parents and were not going to leave her in the office. We couldn't tell her that it would be a quick appointment and then we'd go back to the hotel. I asked our guide to please tell her she was coming home with us at the end of the appointment, but he never even looked at her. He was very concerned with all the paperwork and getting us through the process of it all. I guess it was ok, but I hated looking at her scared little face knowing that a part of her fear was caused by the thought that she may not leave with us.
Anyway, we all survived that appointment and went back to the hotel room with the goal being that we relax and play and "bond" until our 3PM appointment. This was pretty much the beginning of the end. I took a shower and came out just on time to see the multiple major meltdowns begin. In our house, jealousy is referred to as "the green monster". The green monster was in the room and boy was it making things tough. Jun freaked out, climbed on top of Todd (literally), started screaming, Lena got scared and started crying and then they just played off each other for about 45 minutes. Todd and I tried out best to sooth each one of them, but there was nothing we could do for either. Finally, Lena was so upset and so hysterical that she threw up. This seemed to make Jun understand that he needed to calm down and things suddenly got very quiet. -for a while.
At some point we all went to eat lunch. Lena refused to leave my arms and Jun refused to believe he didn't need to be in my arms just because Lena was. The green monster was out again. We pretty much spent the entire lunch just trying to deal with jealousy issues and then went back up to the room so Lena could take a nap and Todd and Jun could go for a swim. I have no idea how the swim went, but Lena slept very soundly. It was a quiet hour.
But then, before we knew it, it was time for the 3PM appointment. Again, we had the problem of Lena not knowing what was going on and our guide not wanting to fill her in. This all scared Lena, which made her cling to me which made Jun think he suddenly needed to sit on my lap (exactly where Lena was sitting). I'm not really sure what was happening around us, I'm not even really sure what the appointment was all about. All I know is that the car ride was horrible, the driver sucked, I felt horribly car sick, Jun had turned into a monster, and poor Todd was trying desperately to control the uncontrollable situation. Around and around the day went. At some point during the appointment Jun started screaming and stamping his feet and crying like I've never seen him do... When the appointment was over our guide looked at Lena clinging to Todd, Jun screaming, and me looking green and said, "is there anything you'd like to do now? we can take you anywhere you'd like to go". What the hell, man, have you seriously just missed the last hour of the day? We'd like to go back to the hotel and this time could you ask the driver to avoid the sudden breaking and wild acceleration he seems to be so good at?
Anyway, things calmed down after we got back to the room. We painted toe nails (yes, I painted Jun's toe nails too), laughed a bit, and finally put the kids to bed. There were enough tears in the day that they both fell asleep relatively quickly. I'm hopeful that today was the worst day. If Jun wakes up at 4AM tomorrow I'll try to make him feel a little better about all the big things happening around him, give him lots of hugs, and pretend that 4AM is a good time for us to have our special Mommy/son time.
We had an appointment at 9:00AM with the notary, this is the appointment that made our adoption legal, so it was VERY important. The problem was that it took place at the same office where picked Lena up yesterday. As soon as we pulled up to the office, Lena got very stiff, pouted, and was obviously not happy. We don't speak Mandarin and Lena doesn't speak English. We weren't able to explain to her that we are now her parents and were not going to leave her in the office. We couldn't tell her that it would be a quick appointment and then we'd go back to the hotel. I asked our guide to please tell her she was coming home with us at the end of the appointment, but he never even looked at her. He was very concerned with all the paperwork and getting us through the process of it all. I guess it was ok, but I hated looking at her scared little face knowing that a part of her fear was caused by the thought that she may not leave with us.
Anyway, we all survived that appointment and went back to the hotel room with the goal being that we relax and play and "bond" until our 3PM appointment. This was pretty much the beginning of the end. I took a shower and came out just on time to see the multiple major meltdowns begin. In our house, jealousy is referred to as "the green monster". The green monster was in the room and boy was it making things tough. Jun freaked out, climbed on top of Todd (literally), started screaming, Lena got scared and started crying and then they just played off each other for about 45 minutes. Todd and I tried out best to sooth each one of them, but there was nothing we could do for either. Finally, Lena was so upset and so hysterical that she threw up. This seemed to make Jun understand that he needed to calm down and things suddenly got very quiet. -for a while.
At some point we all went to eat lunch. Lena refused to leave my arms and Jun refused to believe he didn't need to be in my arms just because Lena was. The green monster was out again. We pretty much spent the entire lunch just trying to deal with jealousy issues and then went back up to the room so Lena could take a nap and Todd and Jun could go for a swim. I have no idea how the swim went, but Lena slept very soundly. It was a quiet hour.
But then, before we knew it, it was time for the 3PM appointment. Again, we had the problem of Lena not knowing what was going on and our guide not wanting to fill her in. This all scared Lena, which made her cling to me which made Jun think he suddenly needed to sit on my lap (exactly where Lena was sitting). I'm not really sure what was happening around us, I'm not even really sure what the appointment was all about. All I know is that the car ride was horrible, the driver sucked, I felt horribly car sick, Jun had turned into a monster, and poor Todd was trying desperately to control the uncontrollable situation. Around and around the day went. At some point during the appointment Jun started screaming and stamping his feet and crying like I've never seen him do... When the appointment was over our guide looked at Lena clinging to Todd, Jun screaming, and me looking green and said, "is there anything you'd like to do now? we can take you anywhere you'd like to go". What the hell, man, have you seriously just missed the last hour of the day? We'd like to go back to the hotel and this time could you ask the driver to avoid the sudden breaking and wild acceleration he seems to be so good at?
Anyway, things calmed down after we got back to the room. We painted toe nails (yes, I painted Jun's toe nails too), laughed a bit, and finally put the kids to bed. There were enough tears in the day that they both fell asleep relatively quickly. I'm hopeful that today was the worst day. If Jun wakes up at 4AM tomorrow I'll try to make him feel a little better about all the big things happening around him, give him lots of hugs, and pretend that 4AM is a good time for us to have our special Mommy/son time.
Kim and Todd,
ReplyDeleteSounds like its discovery time, for real. Sharing is tough for everyone. As you have been doing, work it slow. Everyone will find a middle. Are you using sign at all this time?
Lena looks short next to Jun. now Jun gets to be a real BIG brother.
Did not think through everything. Bringing notebook to Saco Friday so we can have Skype at both locations.
Claremont is having problem posting comments. Will get resolved Friday AM.
Love all the pictures. The family group picture is great. How did you get it?
Thankfully you each have two legs for sitting on and two long arms for hugging them both. :) Dahju has wise words- time will help resolve the green monster issues, but it's easy for us to say, right?! Hang in there. You are my heroes. Big hugs to both kids, but a special snuggle for Jun for being such a kind big brother.
ReplyDeleteSonds like you guys are doing a great job. Thanks so much for the details. The boys LOVE the pictures. Please tell Jun hi from them and that they are really hoping to see him around Christmas. Of course Lena, too, but it will probably mean more to Jun at this point :-) This brings all our love and support!
ReplyDeleteLyn, Mike, James, and Patrick